“finish what you start” is going to be my new mantra!

His only real skill afaics is that he finishes what he starts.

I think the trick that MacLeod manages is simply this: if it’s a jacket – call it a jacket – just have it do stuff that’s unusual and be casual about it.
‘My jacket clung annoyingly as it attempted to seal in a little heat’ – badly worded but you get the idea… Then again – you are trying to cyber it up… what the hell do i know anyway ; p

No probs anyway ; )

Thanks.

“Iâ??ve certainly read a whole bunch of published-on-paper stuff thatâ??s come off a lot worse. (anything by Dan Brown being the obvious candidate :p)”

I don’t know whether I should be flattered or offended by a comparison to Dan Brown, even if I come off better LOL

“I found it a bit purple in places – but then I went off and actually wikied purple prose and got this back: â??It also refers to writing that employs certain rhetorical effects such as exaggerated sentiment or pathos in an attempt to manipulate a readerâ??s response.â?? which I really thought was cute in terms of the subject matter. Nice one! :p”

Right, I think I get what you’re saying, in that it’s too flowery in some places. Hmm. Maybe some editing won’t go amiss in that respect. I suspect that’s what editors are for

Secondly – for the most part youâ??ve got future slang happening. Cool. But, then in others you have phrases that donâ??t really gel with that – â??black synthetic nano-jacketâ??. Cool. But it begs the question – are there non-synthetic nano-jackets? Maybe from nano-cows? :p

Right, so I guess your main suggestion here is that there should be some sort of slang term for an item like that, or at least refer to it in a more offhand manner. Makes sense. I actually remember sitting down and thinking, hmmm, what should I call it, and I couldn’t think of anything so I just wrote nano-jacket heh. Lazy, I know, but I didn’t want to force the slang thing too much.

It seems to be trying a little too hard to add to the storyâ??s general plastic feeling.

Sure, that may well be the case. I suspect I should be a bit more off-handed about certain things instead of trying to elaborate them.

I donâ??t know if youâ??ve read any Ken MacLeod. Iâ??m referring particularly to â??The Cassini Divisionâ??. The great thing about his writing is that he makes the familiar (communism / capitalism / stuff ending in ism) seem extraordinary, whilst making the extraordinary (nanotech) familiar. Blatantly thatâ??s not your purpose, I just mention it because his first person voice when referring to technology is nicely blithe – which you might expect the character here to be since tech appears to be his bag, baby.

Never read it, but it sounds pretty interesting. I wouldn’t say my purpose is not to make the extra-ordinary ordinary; I think any sci-fi should be like that (extra-ordinary by today’s standards = ordinary by tomorrow’s), and if I haven’t come across like that, that’s a problem that’ll need reworking. I’ll try get a copy of the book

My last semi-quibble is – yes the playback does pretty much make your protagonist out to be a bit of a muppet. Heâ??s paranoid to the eyeballs, but doesnâ??t notice the discrepanciesâ?¦ Are they coming across as too â??loudâ??? Or maybe Iâ??m missing somethingâ?¦.

This is the one bit I didn’t get … what discrepancies are you referring to? What’s too loud? Hmm, and if the protagonist comes across as a muppet, that’s not so good :-/

Thanks for taking the time dude, I really appreciate it.

I’ve certainly read a whole bunch of published-on-paper stuff that’s come off a lot worse. (anything by Dan Brown being the obvious candidate :p)

But you wanted ‘The Destructor’ (sounds like a Schwartzenegger movie to me, but whatever) and for that reason and only that reason I’m gonna pick a bit.

Two things come to mind… well maybe three.

I found it a bit purple in places – but then I went off and actually wikied purple prose and got this back:

‘It also refers to writing that employs certain rhetorical effects such as exaggerated sentiment or pathos in an attempt to manipulate a reader’s response.’

which I really thought was cute in terms of the subject matter. Nice one! :p

Secondly – for the most part you’ve got future slang happening. Cool. But, then in others you have phrases that don’t really gel with that – ‘black synthetic nano-jacket’. Cool. But it begs the question – are there non-synthetic nano-jackets? Maybe from nano-cows? :p

It seems to be trying a little too hard to add to the story’s general plastic feeling.

I don’t know if you’ve read any Ken MacLeod. I’m referring particularly to ‘The Cassini Division’. The great thing about his writing is that he makes the familiar (communism / capitalism / stuff ending in ism) seem extraordinary, whilst making the extraordinary (nanotech) familiar. Blatantly that’s not your purpose, I just mention it because his first person voice when referring to technology is nicely blithe – which you might expect the character here to be since tech appears to be his bag, baby.

My last semi-quibble is – yes the playback does pretty much make your protagonist out to be a bit of a muppet. He’s paranoid to the eyeballs, but doesn’t notice the discrepancies… Are they coming across as too ‘loud’? Or maybe I’m missing something….

£0.02 please.